Where In The World Is Carmen Slowski?

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Did you see the “apology” last night?

Were you as appalled as I was?

If you didn’t feel some sense of righteous indignation, then you’re not paying attention. The range of emotions I went through last night. I am in Bold:

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Good evening, Detroit. I want to start tonight by saying to the citizens of this great city, I’m sorry.

To all of you who have believed in what we’ve been doing here since 2002, to all of you who have believed in me, in my leadership, to all of you who have stuck with me through very difficult times, to all of you who prayed for me: I’m sorry.

Me: I’ll be you are. Getting caught with your pants around your ankles has got to be deeply embarrassing, though not quite enough.

(It goes on like this for a fashion, making sure he gets everyone, trying to convey how sorry he is and coming off completely scripted. really, it came close to sincerity, but that I’m still your Mayor vibe was there. Accept my apology or suck it.)

Most of all tonight, I want to make a public apology to my entire family, and specifically to the four people who I love the most in this world.

First, I want to apologize to my sons, Jelani, Jalil and Jonas. For the first time in my life, I had to have a conversation with my 12-year-old twin sons about very grown-up things. It was, without a doubt, the hardest conversation that I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Me: How do you tell your boys that they’ll never see Auntie Christine because Mommy might beat her to death with a tire iron? The dilemmas of parenthood.

Finally, and most importantly, I want to make a public apology to my wife, Carlita, who I fell in love with when I was 19 years old. We decided to build a family together, and we did that.

Our marriage has not been perfect, but it has been great. Now, I put her in a situation which many couples deal with in the privacy of their own homes, but in our case, it’s on the front page of the newspaper. This dynamic, strong, caring woman has been forced to go through this very difficult experience because of me. I truly apologize to you.

Me: Nothing says cheap stunt like forcing your wife to vouch for your sorry ass. My wife says I’ll be good. Because, she’s done such a fine job thus far.
As many of you know, I’m not the type of person who displays my emotions in public, but I have to tell you I’ve felt more emotion in the last week than I have in the past 20 years. I’ve been truly hurting. I’ve been hurting because I know that many of you are hurting. And most of all, I’ve been hurting because I know my family is hurting. And I’m responsible for that.

Over the past few days, there’s been some speculation about who is in charge of the city. Make no mistake about it, since 2002, I have been in charge of the city.

There have been ups and downs, there have been hills and mountains and valleys, but through it all, I remained in charge of the city. I believe we built a team here that understands the mission and focus and commitment that we must have to serve our citizens. We’ve done some amazing things, but we have a lot of work left to do.

Me: This reads simply – I’m Mayor, so suck it. We’re looking forward because to look backwards is to remind you that I keep failing you over and over again.

Over the past few days, there has also been a lot of speculation about me resigning from office. Let me be clear tonight: I would never quit on you. Ever. We’ve got a lot of work to do, and with your help, I’m going to continue to lead this city in getting the work done. I am truly blessed and grateful that my wife is beside me tonight, and she has some personal remarks of her own to make.

Then the lone camera pans out to his wife and she is pained so clearly is shows in her entire body and immediately I hate the mayor for making her do this. It takes an incredible bastard to make his wife help shoulder his shame.

(Carlita) It is very difficult for me to talk to you at this moment, but I want to let you know what is on my heart tonight.

Like all marriages, ours is not perfect. Like all people, we are not perfect, but through our commitment to God and each other, my husband and I will get through this. Yes, I am angry, I am hurt and I am disappointed. But there is no question that I love my husband. With the help of our pastor and others, we have been having very difficult, very frank discussions to work through some very painful issues.

Most couples who work through problems in their marriage are able to do so privately. Unfortunately, that option is not available to us. Our family has endured the most painful and intrusive week of our lives. Our most intimate issues have been laid out for all to see, for all to comment on, for all to dissect and analyze. However, this private matter is between me, my husband and God. We are deeply committed to working through these issues together as a family. As his wife, I know how committed my husband is to the City of Detroit. I am asking the citizens of this city to be committed to him, and our family, and to the continued growth of our city.

ME: If God told me to stay married to a man like Kwame, I’d switch religions. And, darling – this isn’t between you and God – this is between all of us because we finance your lavish lifestyle and you’re husband’s trysts while many of your citizens have no police or firemen to respond to calls or streetlights to see their way home. Oh – and then there’s the matter of the nine million ($9,000,000) dollars.

Allow our family the space and the privacy that is essential to anyone when they work through these very personal issues. Lastly, I would like to thank each and every one of you for all of your prayers and your uplifting words. Thank you.

(And back to the lying sack of crap) This has been a very difficult time for my wife and my family. I would ask, from this point forward, that if you have to attack someone, attack me.

Me: With pleasure

I would ask that you don’t follow my wife, you don’t film my kids going to school. I ask you not to have helicopters flying around our home. I ask that you leave them alone. I am the mayor. I made the mistake. I am accountable.

Because there are legal matters pending at this moment, unfortunately, I am unable to discuss any of those issues at this time. But I do have some personal words I want to share with you tonight:

Over the past week, our marriage has been opened up for public view. This has been a situation where, yes, it’s been embarrassing, yes, it’s been painful, but through all of that, through the grace of God, we’ve also had a feeling of thankfulness and freedom. We have committed to moving forward together, to make our marriage better and stronger.

Last week was the first weekend since I took office in January 2002 that I just put everything aside and focused only on my family.

Me: Well, last weekend we know he was holed up in a NC resort getting a couples massage with a woman who gave her name as Carmen Slowski*. With Beatty out of the picture I can imagine he’s speeding many, many nights at home. On the couch.

I know people have been wanting to hear from me, but I needed to do that first. I want to thank the people of Detroit for their patience in allowing us to have that time. We as a family needed to do that. I told my sons this past weekend that when you make a mistake, you learn from it, you get up, you dust yourself off and you keep moving forward.

Detroit, I am determined that we will keep moving forward. I am determined to continue the tremendous progress we are making in this city, in the worst economic conditions since the Great Depression.

(and then he goes on about the achievements that have been made. I’m not disputing that they were made, but I’m wondering how much further we could have gone had we not had to worry about parties and expensive leases, and expensive figurines and the fact that the Mayor uses the City funds as his own personal bank. We can’t look forward because he keeps throwing your past in our faces with every mis-step.)Detroit, please continue to pray for our family, for our city and for our continued progress. God bless you, Detroit. I love you, and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.

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We don’t love you back. Actually we’d consider loving you if you’d do the honorable thing of stepping down, taking your thugs with you, and letting someone with integrity and honor run the City of Detroit. Shame on the City Council for discovering they’d rather be lapdogs than representatives of the City.

And he wonders why no one wants to live in the City.

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*For the record, Carmen Slowski isn’t the name of the turtle in the Comcast commercials. It’s Karolyn Slowsky, proving that whoever thought that up wasn’t nearly as clever as they thought. It’s like signing your name “Elmer Presley”.